Bitter sweet memories
by APurpleAvacado
Summary: Deep inside he knew why they hated him, why they ran. 'That girl' Gaara sobbed 'that stupid girl' Gaara was never fond of his childhood memories, but there is just one spot what wont go away. Turn from the darkness to the light [SPOILERS][complete]
1. Memories of the frightened

Authors note: This fanfic is my first Naruto fanfic. So, please be nice about it. It's probably going to be a three shot, I'm not sure. I hope you like it enough to review; I like reviews –hint hint- XD. I apologise in advance if it's short.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, because if I did I really wouldn't make Gaara the small, deprived kitten he really is.

Bitter sweet memories;

Chapter one: Memories of the frightened.

Sitting in a room, a simple room with little furniture, a chair and a table in the middle of the dull brown wooden room, Gaara sat just in the corner thinking to himself. He brought his knees to his chest and wrapped a single arm around them and bought his free hand to rest in his red hair, he breathed quietly with is eyes closed, not wanting to alarm the likes of Tamari or Kankuro.

His hand fell to the left of his forehead and pushing his back harder against the wall, as if his life depended on him becoming one with it. His hand subconsciously caressed the red word on his head lightly, lost in thought…

_Children were playing around on the street kicking a ball whilst Gaara sat alone on a metal swing with a small teddy bear in his grasp. He didn't look happy, he rarely did. He had been watching them from a distance, wondering why it was people hated him but somewhere, deep inside he __**knew **__why they hated him, why they ran…_

_One of the kids kicked the ball at the boy standing in the goal post "shoot!" he shouted happily, Gaara held in a breath inwardly hoping the ball would go in. He liked to watch the other Children play, he had yet to actually play with any of them. _

_Unfortunately the ball didn't go in and Gaara now release his breath with a disappointed sigh, he watched as the ball landed itself on the roof vaguely noticing another boy ask "What should we do?" to his other friends. Friends, he never had one of those either._

"_We can't use the wall climbing technique yet…" another replied in a in a defeated tone._

Gaara now clutched his red hair in a death-grip, his fingers now entwined in the lush red mop; a small tear falling from a sea green eye.

_Smiling to himself, Gaara got to his feet and held out one hand lifting sand from the ground and manoeuvred__ it carefully under the ball. All of the children gasped and gawked as the ball lifted with a small wave and sand gliding its way downward and into Gaara's grasp._

"_You're…" all the children seemed to back away. He chose to ignore it; it was almost normality to him._

"_Here." Gaara stated, unsure of whether to look them in the eye as he held the ball out. _

"_It's Gaara!" they all looked terrified, why? They were over-reacting, he was only trying to given them their ball back "Gaara of the sand"._

Hmph, at least they knew his name. He held his legs close to his chest with his face buried in his knees.

"_Run!" one of them shouted, sure enough all children seemed to follow the simple command all that is, except for one. __Why hadn't that girl ran, why wasn't she scared like the others. She looked just as unsure as he did. Perhaps she didn't see a reason to run away with them._

"_Wait!" Gaara shouted after the others, not quite registering the young lavender eyed girl standing a few feet away "Don't leave me alone!" he continued to call desperately._

_Almost unknowingly Gaara's hand shot up as sand flew at the fleeing children's legs, a few screamed in terror as they were caught and tripped over by the strong grip on the sand "help me!" one yelled. The girl with lavender eyes gasped slightly and tried to move towards Gaara as a wave of sand towered over the trapped younglings now quivering in fear of their life on the ground 'I…don't want to be alone anymore…I…'._

_A girl caught by the ankle screamed "no!" as she continued to try and get away._

_Only moments before the lavender eyed girl was able to reach Gaara did a figure jump in front of the sand and intercept the blow to the children "Gaara-sama, please, calm down". Gaara looked on wide eyed. _

Choking back a sob Gaara squeezed his knees tighter, wiping away the tears on his face.

"_Yashamaru…" Gaara mumbled in disbelief. The lavender eyed girl had by now slipped away, helping some of the children to their feet and sending them on their way. There was a long silence, in which Gaara lowered his head with eyes full of guilt. The blond hair of Yashamaru waved in the wind much like Gaara's own. _

"That girl…" Gaara sobbed "That stupid girl…"

(A/N: Please don't kill me! I hope it wasn't terrible! Please don't kill me! By the way, this chapter was based on episode seventy five, just the memories thought.)


	2. Memories of the lost and found, part one

Authors note: hai, hai, this is rather sad, isn't it? **Killer eyes**-kun. I'm glad you think Gaara-sama is cute, I think so too. Thanks for your review.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto; if I did I'd have made Sasuke have pink highlights.

Bitter sweet memories;

Chapter two: Memories of the lost and found (part one)

Sighing heavily and wiping a stray tear from his reddened cheeks Gaara lent against the wooden walls heavily, truth be told, he had been sitting there for hours and many times either Tamari or Kankuro tried to coax him out of there. He had locked the door, and he had told that if they didn't want to die, they wouldn't break it down.

Sure, they understood that Gaara needed his space but never had he been so…cut off from the two of them before. He had refused to eat and it was getting late.

Tamari had pulled Kankuro to the side, taking him off his course to the bathroom "is Gaara…crying?" She asked concern evident in her eyes and voice.

There was silence for a few moments and Kankuro listened to what was happening on the other side of the hardwood door, he looked down at his short sister and nodded solemnly "hai…I guess…" he mumbled in affirmation.

None too happy about the situation, Tamari shook her head and knocked gently on the door, the crying stopped abruptly and sniffling could be heard "…Gaara, it's Tamari…are you-"

"Leave me alone" Gaara interrupted weakly, his voice filled with sadness.

"But I-" Tamari continued.

"Go!" Gaara counted, his protests seemed a little stronger then the last… He buried his face in his hands sighing with relief as he heard two pairs of footfall fade as they walked away from the room.

_Gaara stood alone in a brightly coloured and brightly lit room facing the portrait of a woman with sand blond hair, her brown eyes shone with happiness as she smiled sweetly for the picture 'Oka-san…' Gaara thought sadly__ gripping a knife tightly._

_Raising the knife above his hand he focused the collision point, he then bought the knife down upon it, his eyes widened slightly in disappointment as sand seemingly appeared from no where and blocked the supposed attack, he said to himself "it's no use…the sand interferes."_

"_Gaara-sama" a voice sounded. _

"_Yashamaru" Gaara turned to see a disappointed face. _

_Stepping forward Yashamaru spoke with a smile "I was ordered by Kazekage-sama to be your caretaker, I am to keep an eye on your health and protect you" he paused for a moment "please don't do such a thing in front of me"._

_Gaara trained his eyes to the ground, ashamed of his earlier performance in the playground _

"_But then again, the sand will protect you" Yashamaru said, moving his hand behind his heard and smiling unsurely yet happily. _

_Looking up for a moment, then back down to the floor, Gaara spoke "Yashamaru, Gomen" eying his caretakers wounds regretfully._

_Yashamaru smiled patting the gauze on his head lightly "oh, this? It's just a scratch" she said, his voice as light-hearted as ever._

Gaara stared blankly at the floor, his tears had stopped for the time being, to be honest he had always hated crying, it made him feel vulnerable, but usually he welcomed the strange feeling, it was not often that he did feel vulnerable anyway, the Yashamaru had said, the sand will protect him. He hand only ever been hit by two people, hurt by two people, Uzumaki Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke. They were strong, very strong indeed.

_Looking up unsurely Gaara asked "Do wounds hurt?"_

_Smiling at the young sand-nins curiosity Yashamaru replied "just a little. It will heal quickly, though". _

_Glancing outside for a moment to view the sands flailing through the town, Gaara turned back once again to Yashamaru "Hey, Yashamaru…"_

"_Hai?"_

"_What does pain feel like?" he asked, his eyes once again trained to his hand, at the question, Yashamaru's smile finally faltered "I've never been hurt before, so I was wondering how it felt…"_

_Yashamaru turned away in thought 'hmm-ing' lightly "How should I explain this…" Gaara looked up at him "it's painful and unbearable…like, when a person is shot or cut, he becomes very ill at ease and he can't think normally." He paused for a moment to ran a hand through his sand blond hair and laugh nervously "I can't explain it well, but simply put, it's not a very good condition to be in."_

_Gaara's eyes wondered back to the gauze around Yashamaru's arm and immediately felt guilty for what he had done "Yashamaru" said man looked down in slight surprise._

"_Hai?" he answered._

"_Then, do you hate me, Yashamaru?" The look of seriousness on Gaara's face shocked the elder man, his eyes filled with concern and sadness for the little boy before him. He watched as Gaara trained his eyes to the floor and then back at Yashamaru. Yashamaru sighed and closed his eyes in thought._

"_People hurt each other and get hurt during their lifetimes" he said certainly "but it is difficult to hate another" Yashamaru smiled down at Gaara._

_Returning the smile "arigato, Yashamaru!" Gaara replied "I think I understand what hurting is, now". _

"_Really?" Yashamaru tilted his head with concern filled eyes. _

"_Maybe, I'm injured too, like everyone else. I always hurt here…" Gaara place his hand on his crest and eying it sadly with the knife still in his grasp "I'm not bleeding, but my chest really hurts here"._

_Yashamaru stepped forward, the smile completely non-existent on his features, he knelt before Gaara and taking the knife from his grasp. Gaara gasped as the elder held the knife and swiftly cut across the tip of his ring finger, blood dripped slowly from the wound._

"_Flesh wounds bleed, and they may seem painful…" looking to his hand, he continued with a smile "but as time goes by, the pain eventually disappears. And if you use medicine, the wound will heal even faster" he tilted his hand towards Gaara to emphasize the point. "But the tricky wounds are the ones in your heart. Those are difficult to heal"._

"_A wound of the heart?" Gaara asked._

"_A wound of the heart if different from a flesh wound. Unlike a flesh wound, there are no ointments to heal it, and there are times when they never heal" a moments silence followed in which Gaara placed his hand on his heat before Yashamaru continued "but there is one thing that can heal a wound of the heart" Gaara stared wide eyed at the elder as he continued "it is a troublesome medicine" Yashamaru looked toward the woman in the photo "and you can only receive it from another person"._

"_Nani? How can I heal this…?" Gaara asked desperately whilst following Yashamaru's gaze to the photograph._

"_The thing that can heal a wound of the heart is…" he looked towards Gaara "love"_

"_Love?" _

"_Hai" Yashamaru supplied. _

"_How can I get that?" Gaara asked curiously "What should I do to get rid of this pain…?"_

_With a wide smile Yashamaru replied "Gaara-sama, you have already received it." looking back to the picture of the sand blond woman, the elder male continued "love is the spirit of devoting yourself to someone important and close to you…it is expressed by caring for and protecting that person. Just like my sister, I believe my sister always loved you, Gaara-sama. The shukaku of the sand is a living soul that is usually used for combat purposes." A short pause "the sand automatically protects you because of love. I believe the will of your mother is inside the sand"._

_He looked into the picture Gaara could see his reflection in the glass of the frame, his mothers hair – the woman in the picture, was slightly darker then Yashamarus' own. They looked so much alike, it was never hard to believe they were related._

"_My sister probably wanted to protect you, even after her death" he was now looking sadly at the picture, almost longingly. _

"_Yashamaru" Gaara said. _

_Said man turned to Gaara "Hai?"_

"_Thanks back there… for stopping me."_

"_My please" Yashamaru said, placing his ring finger in his mouth and sucking it lightly, to stop the bleeding "you are a person who is important and close to me after all, Gaara-sama." At that Gaara smiled. He stepped forward a few paces and took hold of Yashamaru's injured hand staring at it worriedly for a few moments. _

_Yashamaru's surprised expression changed to one of sadness as Gaara took his finger into his own mouth a sucked like Yashamaru himself had done a moment ago "Can you feel my pain?" Yashamaru asked, his grey eyes filled with sorrow._

_Gaara took Yashamaru's hand from his mouth and mumbled sadly "it tastes like metal…" _

(A/N: Well this is going to have to be in two parts, because this is already WAY too long! I hope you like it, this part wasn't much different from the series, but don't worry! It's leading somewhere!)


	3. Memories of the lost and found, part two

Authors note: Okay, this chapter is going to be marginally more interesting then the last. So, yeah. I hope you like it, I know I will. **Please read the Authors notes! They are rather important!**

Disclaimer: I don't Own Naruto; if I did I would have made Naruto wear florescent purple clothes.

Bitter sweet memories;

Chapter three: Memories of the lost and found (part two)

Staring out of a small window placed on the opposite side of the room, Gaara laughed bitterly, it seemed everyday his memories would haunt him, but they had never been so bad and to reduce him to tears and locking himself in the first room he could gain access to.

It wasn't like he could do anything about the past, so, why was it bothering him so much? Closing his eyes and tilting his head so he faced the ceiling slightly he sighed once more.

_Running through the street of the village hidden in the sand, Gaara reviewed his conversation in his head __**'Hey, Yashamaru. I have a favour to ask.'**_

'_**What is it?'**_

'_**I want ointment' Gaara replied.**_

_He had been too deep in thought to notice a lavender eyed girl watching from the stairs of a house, her eyes seemed to be glistening with curiosity, soon enough she lifted her pencil and wrote a few more words in a small red book, she smiled to herself as she stood._

_Knocking on a door of a house Gaara waited silently and eagerly for it to be answered, when it was answered he ignored the wide-eyed look he received from the girl "I'm sorry about before. It hurt, right? Here, this is ointment. Use it if you want…"_

_The girl frowned deeply and furrowed her brows "Go home!" she stated irritably and shut the door in his face "monster" at that Gaara slowly bought the bag back to his side with a hurt look on his face. He turned to leave and gasped at the sight before him._

_Stood before him was the lavender eyed girl from the park, she was smiling at him – Smiling! She took a few steps forward flicking her dark brown hair behind her. She knocked on the door._

_A few moments passed and the door was once again opened by the young girl "I though I said-"_

"_You told Gaara-sama to go home, yes. I am not Gaara-sama." She stated coolly. _

"_He's still here?" _

"_Hai, in fact, he's here to make a mends" with that she gently tugged on Gaara's arm and pulled him so he stood next to her "he offered you ointment as an apology, and I think it would be polite to accept it"._

_The other girl scowled from behind the door and took the ointment grudgingly from Gaara's grasp "happy?"_

"_I would be much happier if you didn't call Gaara-sama names either, especially when he has no control over what he was blessed with" the lavender eyed girl smiled a little too sweetly and waved goodbye dragging Gaara along with her._

Smiling to himself Gaara wiped a tear from his reddened cheek. That had been the first time someone had stood up for him, ever. It was also the first time someone had refused to the sand-nins abilities as a blessing.

_Wondering down the road back towards his own home, with company as the girl had yet to leave his side "a-ano…what's your name?" he asked._

"_Ruuno Suki"_

"Suki…" Gaara choked out through sobs.

"_Doesn't Suki mean love?" Gaara asked, his eyes glittering._

"_Hai"_

_Just then a mumbling drunk wondered past, he bumped into Gaara and grunted "What the…be careful! You stupid kid…" the drunk gasped as Gaara turned his head to look at him "You're…"_

_Gaara's eyes widened slightly thinking to himself 'again… __**"Go home, monster!"**__ those eyes again…__** "You're…" **__why…? Why?!' sand began to rise form the ground and he vaguely registered a gasp from beside him._

"_Hey…" the drunk whimpered, shaking with fear, he dropped his bottle of alcohol _

_A hand placed itself of Gaara's cheek and his head was turned to Suki, she smiled sadly at him "it's okay; he didn't mean any of it..." Gaara smiled back slightly and let the sand fall to the dirt road, the drunk by now was long gone._

_From behind them they heard mumbles of things like "Did Gaara just let someone live?" or "What is that girl thinking?" or the plain and simple "What the hell?" _

Chuckling at the thought was it always beyond his people comprehension that he may never have wanted to kill them, at the time at least. Had they never thought he could be a nice person? Clearly not.

_The pair stopped their banter has they began to pass a tall man, wearing noting but black, Gaara looked up to meet his brown-eyed gaze sadly. It had been then that he realized the man was looking at him with something akin to disappointment 'Father…' he thought sadly and averted his gaze. _

_At which point Suki had taken his hand and smiled at him encouragingly and tugged him forward, it was quite obvious the elder man didn't want Gaara there. Once there backs were turned Gaara's father raised an eyebrow, clearly wondering if the young girl knew what she was getting herself into. He sighed and ruffled his brown hair._

Huffing loudly Gaara gritted his teeth with an audible click. Even his father didn't believe he could have friends? Or anyone else around him that wasn't ordered to be there? Such as Yashamaru.

The only reason he was even able to notice his fathers reaction was because he had caught a glimpse of it over his shoulder.

_A few minutes had passed and Gaara was now sat on the rook of his home, alone. Again. 'It could've gone worse…' he mused to himself sadly 'if Suki hadn't been there…' he looked at his shaking hands 'Why do people think I'm such a monster, Suki doesn't, I wish she didn't have to go…'_

_Gaara sighed knowing that the only reason she had to go was because she said he father would not be very pleased and she had also said that she didn't want to be punished. Why Suki thought her father would punish her was beyond him. _

_He covered his face with his hands, ready to cry 'what am I? __**"the thing that can heal a wound of the heart…is love" **__Yashamaru…' he gripped a hand over his chest above his heart as he wept…_

Tears fell from his eyes as she gasped at the memory, this was one of his most painful, he hated it so, so much, she couldn't control the flow anymore, in fact, by now he was loud enough to had attracted both Temari and Kankuro back to his door.

_Sand flew up from behind him and he gasped, surprised and terrified as to what had caused the sand to react as such._

_He turned and looked at his attacker, unfortunately, there wasn't much to look at, it seemed he hand taken great care in hiding his appearance 'Nani…?' he thought too terrified to move. The floating Kunai were very, very intimidating… 'Why…?' Gaara gritted his teeth angrily 'Why do I…Why am I the one to have to go through this!' Gaara narrowed his eyes and took a standing position, ready to fight._

_The masked attack then sent three Kunai at the young boy; unfortunately his blow was blocked by a wall of protective sand, shielding the young sand-nin. _

_Gaara's arm flew forward with an open palm sending the sand forward to wrap around his victim, the attacked struggled as he was held in mid-air. Gaara closed his fists without hesitation. Effectively, crushing the enemy. _

_Staring wide-eyed at the man on the ground before him, Gaara asked "who are you…? Why…?" Gaara's eyes stopped scanning over the bloody body of the assassin as his gaze fell upon a small bandage wrapped around his wedding finger. Gaara gulped and stepped forward removing the man face veil. _

_His breath hitched as he tried to hold back tears…his attacker…the assassin…was Yashamaru himself…_

"_You are strong, as I expected…Gaara-sama" Yashamaru said weakly._

_Quickly Gaara gripped his heart an muttered "Yashamaru" before letting out and anguished cry…sand flew everywhere in a wild frenzy…_

(A/N: Yet another long chapter huh? Gosh, can you believe this is all from one episode? Heh, Well, it's not over yet, keep an eye out for part three, to be honest I was expecting to finish it in two, but, meh. I hope you liked it).

(A/N: Also, I would like to ask for your help, for those that are interested, on my profile I have a section called** 'New project plan one'** I need help deciding on a **pairing** before I can start work on it and to be honest, all the options I had mentioned I could make work one way or another, But I can't decide, see, I love them all. Please **read it and give me your oppinion, I could really use it, thank you again! **please** PM **me)


	4. Memories of the lost and found, three

Authors note: Well, he's part three, the final part of the 'lost and found trilogy', it's not the end of the story, I think there's going to be one more chapter.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, if I did, I'd be rich.

Bitter sweet memories;

Chapter four: Memories of the lost and found, part three.

Okay, Gaara was getting sick of this, he hated crying, and crying never got you anywhere! Why was he crying! He got the picture, his life sucked. He _knew_ that. Not even his subconscious would give him a break. He…just needed…a break.

_Crying on the floor next to Yashamaru, Gaara buried his face in his hands, why would Yashamaru do this to him? He was ordered to, right? He had to have been! Yashamaru wouldn't do this willingly!_

"_Why…why?" he asked through tears "Yashamaru, why did you…why?" Yashamaru looked on weakly "why?" Gaara continued '__**Love is the spirit of devoting yourself to someone important and close to you…**__' Yashamaru's words rang through his head. '__**It is expressed by caring for and protecting that person. Just like my sister**__' Gaara wept '__**you are a person who is important and close to me, Gaara-sama**__' "you…you…I thought that you were…"_

"_It was an order. I was ordered to kill you. By your father…Kazekage-sama" Yashamaru mumbled quietly, Gaara's eyes widened._

_Tears fell, hitting the floor with a dull thud "Father did…?" Gaara put a hand to his mouth in order to keep from throwing up "Father? Why? Why me?"_

"_You were born with the shukaku of the sand, and then observed like a guinea pig, Gaara-sama" Gaara listened intently, with tears still streaking down his face "But, since you could not control the power of the living soul, Shukaku, and were unable to manipulate the sand on your own…your existence was deemed a danger to the village. Before that happened…"_

_He said he was ordered to, right? Yashamaru probably didn't want to hurt me… "Then you did this unwillingly because father ordered you to…" 'Please, let me be right…'_

"_No, that is not correct. It is true I received the order from Kazekage-sama…but I would have refused it is I had wished to. Gaara-sama…" Gaara just stared mouth slightly agape 'I was wrong…' "Deep within my heart…I hated you. You took the life of my beloved sister when you were born. My sister's momento…I tried to love you by thinking of you as he treasured child…but I couldn't. My sister did not wish for your birth. She became the villages sacrifice, and she died cursing this village. After that, I carried a wound that could never heal." _

_Gaara couldn't breathe now, his mother never wanted __him? Oh…god… '__**Unlike a flesh wound there are no ointments to heal it and there are times when they never heal… **__a wound of the heart' "My sister gave you your name. This child's name is Gaara. An Asura that loves himself" More tears spilled, his mother thought him to be a demon… "Love only yourself. And fight only for yourself, by doing so you can continue to exist…your name carries those wishes, but my sister did not give you the name because she cared for you, or loved you. She gave you that name so you could continue to exist…"_

"_Because she hated and cursed this village as she died, and she wanted her deep hatred…to let others know of it. You were not loved." With that, Yashamaru pulled back the front of his shinobi vest to reveal explosive tags, too many to count and muttered "This is it. Please die." Gaara didn't move an inch before they exploded, the sand blocked his view as the smoke cleared and Gaara just sat there, crying into his knee's inside his protective bubble '__**I believe that my sister always loved you, Gaara-sama. **__Love?'_

"_G-Gaara-sama!" Gaara didn't hear the voice calling his name as the sand fell to the floor, nor did he hear it as he let out and anguished sob '__**The sand automatically protects you because of love. I believe that the will of your mother is inside the sand.**__' He began to cry louder '__**it's love!**__' Gaara clawed desperately at the concrete floor, as if it would save him from the pain "Gaara-sama!?"_

Oh god! No, no stop thinking! Stop thinking now! Please…stop… _'Please…'_

_Gaara looked up, completely broken, his brows furrowed as he let out and anguished cry, and flew around him in a whirlwind "Gaara-sama! Please!" he ignored the voice, he didn't care who it was, he wanted to be left alone, and alone he __will__ be. The sand had created large arches just waiting for something to attack, soon Gaara calmed down enough, to stop the deathly flow, breathing harshly, he looked up as the weak arched crumbled to the floor '__**love only yourself**__' "Gaara-sama?" the voice said again, still shaky '__**And fight for only yourself**__' the word love had suddenly appeared upon his forehead, the visitor gasped and took an involuntary step back "G-Gaara-sama? A-Are you okay?" 'That is what Gaara is…me, I finally understand, I'm alone. I won't believe anyone or love anyone. I'm alone' his eyes narrowed on the figure, but they still seemed distant 'Yes, I am alone'._

_He bought his hand up and the sand followed the figure, he now registered and recognised, it was Suki, sand shot towards her mercilessly, she didn't make a sound as she was encased in it, she just looked on, a sad smile on her face, she wished she could have been here, she wished she could have saved Gaara from this hurt, he was always hurt "What are you doing here…?" Gaara questioned cruelly._

"_I heard lots of noises, and I heard you scream…I…I wanted to…save you…" Suki said, her eyes glistening with tears, a small red book still firmly within her grasp underneath the sand._

"_I don't need saving! I fight for myself, I love only myself! Don't need anyone else!" Gaara shouted, still slightly teary._

"_But that's what you are…isn't it…love?" Suki questioned sadly._

"_No, there's no such thing…" Gaara stated through gritted teeth._

_Suki shook her head slightly, frowning and he eyes glistening with sadness "If there is one thing in the world that exists…its love, Gaara-sama, you just need to look in the right places" Suki let out a pained gasp as she was crushed by the sand, she fell to the floor with a heavy thud, her red book and pen clattering down beside her._

_She let a tear slip down her face as Gaara walked over, a cold expression on his face, her breaths were slightly laboured "t-thank you…Gaara-sama, today…was the best" she smiled as another tear slipped down her face. Confusion slipped onto Gaara's features "…I forgive you…you know" Gaara fell to his knees, he'd gotten carried away, he didn't want this, he liked Suki…_

"…_why?" he questioned almost inaudibly. Suki tilted her head to the right, to get a better view of him._

"_Because…everyone…deserves a second chance…y-you…gave me…mine…" Suki smiled sadly "I just wish I…c-could have helped you…g-get yours…" _

"_I don't deserve a second chance…not now…" Gaara stated in a defeated tone. _

_Suki did her best to snort, but ended up coughing up a little blood instead "no one deserves a…s-second chance…more then you…G-Gaara-s-sa…ma" she coughed up a little more blood, it fell down the side of her face, matting itself in her brown locks…_

"_But-"_

"_Gaara-sama…p-please…m-my diary…please…keep it" she coughed again, more violently this time, she tried to push her small red book to Gaara…her hand only twitched "…it's so cold…" she smiled "t-that…sounded so…co-corny…b-but it's…so true" she tried to laugh._

"_I-I'll get help…h-hang in there!" Gaara shouted making to stand._

"_N-No…wait…j-just remember, w-what I said…o-okay?" Gaara reluctantly sat back down "y-you…are Gaara…t-that's what you are…l-love…" Gaara nodded waiting as she caught her breath, trying to continue "…j-just…remember…t-to…look in…the right…p-places…Gaara…" She coughed up a little blood, she looked to Gaara, happiness shining in her lavender eyes "…kun…" she breathed out with her breath. With that Gaara did what she said, picking up her dairy and her pen, tears falling freely as her final tear hit the concrete._

_He looked on, eyes were dull and lifeless, se had the smallest of smiles on her face…she would have looked like an angel if she had not been covered in blood. Love…that's what Gaara was…hidden love…_

_He lay next to her, until morning came, as lifeless and as unmoving as the body that lay next to him…_


	5. Memories written in little red books

Authors note: This is the final instalment, I know its a little lame but, I had to do _something_ with Gaara in a story, heh… **(By the way the italics us writing in the book)**

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto; if I did, I'd have make Sakura less useless.

Bitter Sweet Memories;

Chapter five: Memories written in little red books.

Standing from his corner, Gaara winced slightly at the feeling of his stiff muscles. Had he really been there that long? He sighed and walked over to the opposite side of the small wooden room. He stopped three floor-boards away from the wall he tapped his foot along them until the wood and his foot connected with a hollow thump. He smiled ever so slightly and knelt down, pulling up the floor-board. He peered inside and stuck his hand in the dark hole, his fingers brushed up against something and he gripped it tightly, in lips in a small, determined, grim line. He brushed dirt off the cover of the book; the good news was that it had not paled much, due to its lack of exposure to sunlight. Smiling sadly, Gaara read the name in the corner on the cover 'Ruuno Suki', carefully he untied the rope that bound the pen to the book and also, kept the book from being read.

He had only ever read this book once, and he didn't like it then, he wasn't sure he'd like it now…he turned to the first page…

_Diary, _

_As always you are the first thing I turn to when I get home from school, father was so mean this morning and mother never does anything to stop him, I was late…again…I just wish my mother would stop trying to play happy families! We're not happy! I'm not happy! And I'm pretty sure mother isn't either. Father makes everyone sad…_

_You know, I just wish there was someone around when my father hit me…sometimes mother was there, she'd tried to stop him a couple of times up…father just hit her too and told her to be quiet but…that's the polite version. Father doesn't like me, he thinks I'm a freak because I'm too smart for my age. I'm six and I think and act like a ten year-old. I don't see anything wrong with that, he should be happy, my mother is. _

_My mother loves me. She's always telling me so, and I believe her but when she tried to tell me my father really does love me too, I turn my back and ignore her. She knows I don't like father. He knows it too. _

_He always seems to ask why, but I think he's just acting, my father isn't stupid. That's why he never hit's me in the face. _

_I'll see you later, Suki…_

Frowning deeply, Gaara wished he could just go back and beat the living cr- stuffing, out of him. No-one deserved a cruel father, he should know, he had one too. Well…his father was way past cruel, but that's a different story. He turned to the next random page…

_Diary, _

_I saw Gaara again today; he was walking alone on the street again. I can understand why he's alone…everyone thinks he's a freak. I don't, it saddens me that not even his own village think of him as a gift. I think he is, he's special. He's not a monster like people say, he just different…like me…_

_I have to admit, I watch him sometimes, not because I'm a stalker, but because I want to get to know him, but it's never been the right time. Plus…he's kinda' cute…DIARY! Don't get the wrong idea! He's cute but I'm not looking for a boyfriend, plus I'm only six. Geez…_

At this point Gaara couldn't help the chuckle that passed his lips…who scolds their diary, seriously?

_Anyway, tomorrow, I'm definitely going to talk to him._

_See ya',__ Suki._

He turned the page again.

_Yayy! Diary, I talked to him! _

_He was so nice! How can anyone be mean to him, he complimented my name…or…I think he did, I don't know yet. But, I'll tell you how I did it:_

_I was writing in you, as I do and then I see him running down the street with a bag in his hands, I followed him, because, well, I've never seen Gaara act like that, he seemed quite happy, which was a good change, he has a nice smile…_

_Anyway, it turns out the bag was full of medicine but the girl he was giving it to, the one in the park that got attacked…by Gaara…but he just got carried away, he seemed pretty desperate not to have anyone running away. I know how he feels. I don't like being alone either. _

_Speaking of being alone; I'm making a mental note to look for love in the right places when I'm older. I'd hate to be stuck to someone like father. He hit me again today. Anyway, I want to prove that the saying 'little girls marry their fathers' is not true! And I don't mean literally __**marry**__ their fathers, it mean it like…um…is it…metoforically? It might have been 'ph' I can't remember…ah well, I'm six, and I'm amazed I can even spell 'literally'._

_Anyway, I'm going for a walk before mother and father gets home, let's go Diary. _

Gaara sighed, that was her last Diary entry…he paused for a moment 'look for love in the right places…' he thought to himself 'maybe…' Suddenly there was a knock at the door and Gaara was quick to tie the diary up and place it under the floor-boards again and rush to the door "Gaara, are yo-"

Gaara flung the door open, and Tamari gasped in surprise, not because of Gaara's haste, because he had wrapped his arms around her in a tight…hug…? "Tamari…" he nuzzled into her stomach.

"G-Gaara…"

"Tamari, where are the-" Kankuro round the corner and paused mid-step "whoa…" he blinked in confusion. Gaara looked up, his eyes were…sparkling…with…emotion. Kankuro didn't have time to determine which one as he had been the next to fall pray to Gaara's tight hug "Gaara, what's bought this one?" he said laughing.

"Yeah Gaara…is everything okay?"

Pulling away from Kankuro, Gaara latched himself onto Tamari once again and smiled a small, happy smile "just fine…Tamari?"

She nodded placing her hand on his shoulders "hai?"

"I-I…I love you…you know…" he said nervously, his grip loosening ever so slightly, he looked over to Kankuro and smirked playfully "and you too, you oaf" Tamari released a shaky breath and her arms slinked around Gaara in a loving embrace.

"I love you too, Gaara" she smiled and ran a hand through her bothers hair and placed a small kiss on his forehead, he let her lips rest there for a moment and a tear of happiness fell from her watery eyes 'I've waited so long…to hear you say that'.

"Me too, and I'm not an oaf" he laughed placing a hand on both his siblings shoulders, and squeezing them lightly.

Smiling Gaara nuzzled into his sister more 'Maybe…I just need to look for it in the right places…'

**(A/N: Okay, corning ending, I know, I'm sorry. Well, when Gaara says I love you, he means in the unconditional family way, I have innocent intentions, M'kay?)**

End.


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